I've Been a Missin'

i'm so sorry for the lack of.. well anything, i have no mind space for anything.
i've been sitting here staring at this god dammned computer trying to put my thoughts in a box and do my really REALLY important assignment due tomorrow, i have not written one word... we have had six weeks do to it, and it's taken me six weeks to print out information.
i'm not too sure what i'm ment to be feeling. please dont take me for a little teenage girl who has no one better to talk too, to express her deepest most yuk feelings too so she blogs it and it turns into a ickky blog.
thus why i have not blogged because i didnt want to turn this blog into another teenage soppy ick blog.
but i need to express this to some extent.
i want to go and tell my bestfriends that im secretly not dealing at all.
but i hate the fact that im not dealing with anything too well, it makes me feel weak.
each morning i awake to the bursting thought of another night that we got through.
Sitting across the table from a skeleton.
what in the world am i ment to talk about with a dying man?
how am i ment to not stress my heart out when i have given my flue to a person who has the weakest immune system and watch their fraile body cough knowing that i have thrusted this pain upon them,
Knowing that they are so fraile they find it so easy to trip and fall and spit their head open on the tiles.
how am i ment to deal with my thoughts filled with am i going to get awaken to the news that my father has died alone in the night?
How On Earth Am I Ment To Deal With This On My Own?